DEC 24, 2009

Well, yesterday was a bit of a frightening day. I went to hang out with my BF and play games at his friend's house. Before it got dark we went to a haunted mental institute, but decided not to go in because of the electric wire, barbed wire fence, the "No trespassing" sign, and our guts. On our way out a truck pulled up the driveway and asked us what we were doing. It was a group of 8 of us; and we gave him a BS answer before leaving. As we got into the cars we saw him stop and stay put for a while before taking off. OMG! x.x

Afterwards, me and my BF left around 5:40, and went back to his house to exchange X-Mas gifts. I got his a series of candles. Red, Green, and White; in ascending order. I was tempted to leave a few cliche notes in them. WHITE represents Purity; GREEN represents prosperity; and RED represents passion/love. So yea, "Pure, prosperous, passion." The three Ps =P I also gave him my webcam so when I get my laptop we can cam together, when we aren't with each other. <3 he gave me new headphones for the ipod he gave me, some frankincense, and a note giving me one free date where I don't have to make any decisions. XD (because I'm a very indecisive person) Then I got his mom a new set of knives, and she got me an Aries Candle. It had a little pendant and everything.


Gaining segment is going to be really short. I've managed to put back on 1 lb; so 156 XD It's a step in the right direction.

DEC 21, 2009

First off I would like to say, Thank you all for the support you've shown me. IDK if you realize it or not; but it really means a lot to me knowing that there are strangers out there that don't even know me, beyond what I tell you, that care for me. So thank you all so very much.

Now to start off a bit of a repeat of last post. X-Mas is almost here. =D Which means...presents!!! The bad thing is that because of this damned recession, I only get one gift, which is a combination of all the money I would have basically received. I'm going to be owning an ~$500 Dell T4300 from Best Buy! =D It makes me a very happy panda because it beats my Desktop by 3 fold. I love it!!! It has Windows 7, which means I get to fiddle with the configuration on there >D A few months back my BF told me that he didn't want to do Christmas gifts. ...I did anyways. XD I got him a set of candles which are all different colors. Now the VERY VERY cheesie part XD Each color represents a different meaning. I gave him a White, followed by a green, ending with a red.

WHITE=purity
GREEN=prosperity
RED=passion

The 3 "P's." I wrapped each one individually and left a cheesie line in there corresponding to the color meaning. <3 I hope he gets a good giggle out of it <3 Me and him have been doing great. We saw each other last SAT and we watched movies and cuddled and such. I also got his mom a gift because she's been so sweet to me. I got her a set of Cutco knives that I had, since I used to work for them; but I hated doing sales. So yea, she and Connor both went out and got me something. <3 We will be seeing each other on either TUE or WED to exchange gifts. Once I am 100% certain that I will be getting this laptop for X-Mas I will have another gift for my BF. I'm going to give him my old webcam, since my laptop has one built in. This way we can see each other online whenever we want to. <3 <3 <3


On other news gaining has started off well. I've been trying to keep myself full these past couple of days. My capacity sure isn't what it used to be; however it's growing back to it's size quite rapidly. If I am lucky, my months of moving out have butchered my metabolism, making it extremely easy to gain. As I am typing this, now 1 AM where I live, I had a tall glass of whole milk and 5 cookies. Hope it helps XD

Not much more to say. I'll update later this month if anything happens worth sharing of I want to share what has happened.

On one last final note, I really kinda wish my BF would like to be my feeder; but I'm far to embarrassed to tell him about gaining. I mean, yes it would be excruciatingly HOT if he did; but I don't want to weird him out. I am tempted to ask if he'd help me put on some weight; but I doubt 30+ lbs counts as "some weight."

Anyways off to read stuffz on deviantart. I'll post again some time soon. Thanks again. ^.^



EDIT: I just thought I lost the ring my BF gave me and nearly had a heart attack x.x Turned out it was still around my neck x.x Fail

DEC 17, 2009

So yea, basically a week till X-mas. I have to move back in with my parents, which does mean I will be able to gain actively again because I will have a lot of food. Umm...I don't really know what else to put, so this post is going to be quite small.

The holidays are here, what the best gift you guys know/think you will be getting for the holidays this year?

Mine is a new laptop =D

What's yours?

DEC 05, 2009

Just when I thought I had hit rock bottom with my parents, I manage to fall even further. Last night I was out driving and I get pulled over for expired registration. I was pretty bummed out until they said that they were going to have my truck towed. Oh NO! They couldn't just say go back home and stay off the road till then; no...they tow my truck. They also had to have 3 officers there for some reason, and they were asking me if I had any illegal substances or weapons in my truck. I've never seen a cop ask that kind of question before for a simple pull over. It was pretty obvious they were out for some fucking blood because:
1) It was Friday night after the football championship game,
2) 10:1 the home team lost, and
3) They were upset about it.

So yea basically FML right now. FML! x.x

DEC 03, 2009

So...lately I've been rather down.I didn't really want to post this, but I want to hear what you guys have to say and what you think. I told my mom about my boyfriend; yes I am gay; and she responded just as I predicted. She told me I was just confused and that I didn't even know what I wanted. I told her because I thought she would understand. What's most baffling is that she says that she doesn't care; yet she tells me I don't know what the fuck I want. She told me, "Well how do you know you're gay if you have never had a girlfriend?" I've had two; one back in the 8th grade and one my senior year. Both of them gave me the same feeling I get from cereal. Yet I told her that my boyfriend makes me feel good, happy, and free. When I was around my girlfriend my senior year I told myself I was Bi since my Sophmore year of High School. So, when I was around her, I always felt uncomfortable and "fake." We broke up, then I found my boyfriend my freshman year of college and "sparks flew." I've never been happier, until I told my mom, and now I'm essentially in this spiraling depression. I've been feeling negative emotions lately. I don't know how to handle this because my mom is the first person that I've told, besides my closest friend and obviously my boyfriend. Whenever I get like this I end up writing a piece of poetry. This is what it was:

Downpour

I stand here, the water pouring down onto me.
The constant noise of an extremely fast heart beat and static of the TV.
My head drenched to the scalp; leaned back
The weight of my wet hair felt like a heavy burden
Is it so simple as to just get out of the water?
In the end I open my eyes.
It hurts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and that one isn't even that bad compared to this one.

YOU

A small glimmer of light appears before me,
I reach forward,
crawl towards it.
Only to find that it becomes bigger,
more brilliant.
I begin to feel this weight lifted off of me.
I smile as the light shines in my face.
Then you appear.
You stand in front of me,
Tell me everything is alright.
You lie to me and say I was heading towards darkness.
I look around and see only darkness around me.
I say "I don't want to be here."
You reply "You're just confused."
You plant your foot on me
the weight heavier than before.
I can feel as if my soul had been crushed.
You disappear and I can barely lift myself now.
The glimmer of light disappears,
and now...I lay here
In this darkness of which you kept me,
Doomed to lay here,
In this darkness with only a small flicker of fire by my side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yea, I'm not in the best of mental conditions. All last night I was sitting here at my PC feeling like absolute shit. Even when my roomies are in the room; I just felt like...crying. I eventually went out into my truck and lit a candle and curled up in a ball. I sat in there for 40 minutes doing nothing. Then I came back in, got under my blanket here at my PC and sat here for about an hour or two trying to cheer myself up, before calling it a night and going to bed.


So a quick recap...I'm gay, I told my mom, essentially got spat on by my mother, and am basically depressed. The only joy in my life right now is my boyfriend. IDK what I would do if I were to lose him. Hopefully my mom understands that she doesn't know what I want, only I do. If I were to lose him, FML. Whatever, I gotta go get ready for class now, so I gotta cut off here.

As for gaining it's been the same as the last few posts. Nothing new.

Thanks for reading.

Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Even though I'm writing this a little over an hour past midnight that day after Thanksgiving, but anyways; I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving with lots of Turkey.

So to start things off I really want to get this off my chest. My Thanksgiving was a bust. I'm going to spare you on the details; so basically my parents fought before dinner and my drunk mother did her infamous 50 mood changes per 30 minutes. x.x The food was great and I got quite the bit of leftovers to bring back with me; so tomorrow/today should have a bit more to it. Aside from the failed Thanksgiving, I went to see my love because I told them about what happened. I got permission from their mom to come hang out, and so I did. It really cheered me up, but before I went over I was showering and I felt a piece of poetry coming so I memorized it as best as I could and I put it up online. here it is for anyone who is interested:

Downpour
I stand here, the water pouring down onto me.
The constant noise of an extremely fast heart beat and static on the TV.
My head drenched to the scalp; leaned back
The weight of my wet hair felt like a heavy burden
Is it so simple as to just get out of the water?
In the end I open my eyes.
It hurts.

Anyways I'm still around 155 and hanging on as best as I can. Hopefully once I get a donation/job I can start affording to eat out every night and maybe put back on the weight that I lost and more.

Oh well, until next time readers,
Yteuc (Adios)

Nov 23, 2009

Ok so things are getting down to the nitty-gritty for me. Job hunting still sucks ass. Applied to over 25 places this past week, all through emailing them about jobs THEY posted on craigslist.com. I have yet to hear back from ANY of them.

Gaining-wise I've managed to stop at 155, but I really do want to go back up. Well hopefully things will look up later this month or next month.

OCT 30, 2009

Hello everyone,
Sorry for the extremely long update. Times have been a bit rough, and other times have been really great. So...where to begin...where to begin. Hmm...

I guess I'll start with my life. About one month ago I have found someone whom I love to death. <3 I'm very happy to be with them, and we do very well togethre, but when apart we do very bad. HAHAHA! Anyways college has been great. I only have 2 classes, but 7 credits which is a good start for me being late in the running for classes. I'm taking CIE 25; Personal Computer Confiuration and Repair; and CS 21; Game Development. CIE 25 is really fun! Taking PCs apart, messing with the motherboard and components, running through all of the BIOS and CMOS configuration. Good times. XD As for CS 21 things are going to be a bit hectic. I am in charge of about 50% of the things needed for my group's game. Mostly artwork and other misc. things. Anyways I'll post a link to the game once it's all complete. As for life at the apartment, things are going well. My roomies have started playing WoW and I couldn't resist but to start up my old account. Oh well XD In other news I'm hurting for money. x_x This ties into the gaining portion which I will get into in a minute. I'm on a strict "save money" policy because I have to pay rent and buy food and other things because I don't have work. I'll probably ask my roomie to see if his dad, whom he is also working for, needs another helping hand. Hopefully that goes through, or the job that I interviewed for calls saying I can show up for work. bleh x.x

Gaining related things are looking dim. I've tumbled downhill and can't get up. I've dropped all the way to 150 x.x THAT'S OVER 20LBS SINCE MOVING OUT, and with the way I am financially I can't afford to stuff myself and get going up the hill right now. It's very upsetting. I still want to reach 190, but I just can't do it without help. If I get this job I can probably start slowly...very slowly...working my way up, but it's so hard right now. I'm shriveling away. ALSO if I do work with my roomie, it's digging holes. In other words burning calories and losing even more weight. NO ME GUSTA!!!

Anyways, that's all I can write about right now since my other roomie is due back any minute. Eat up, for me, everyone.

Thanks for reading.

AUG 23, 2009

Ok well I have recently taken notice to someone in my life. However, what makes it so difficult is that this person is one of my roommates. IDK how they feel or if they even like me, and I can't be blunt about it and ask. Hopefully things will work out, and I can find out if they like me or not.

On the gaining scene, I've put on a little bit of weight but the scales still read 170/171. I talked to my main encourager and he might be coming to on a ski visit and we'll hang out together. And with the buffet near by me, we will see how stuffed I can get, and this will happen hopefully 1-2 times per day for about 5 days. That's 10 stuffing! O.O Hello 5lbs? Would be nice :D However, I am thinking that the stuffings should be so much that each time we go back for one I can eat more and more each time. :D A great time indeed.

Thanks for reading
-Justin

AUG 13.

Hey there. It's been quite a while since I've posted anything, so I'm here to bring you all an update. So first off personal things.

PERSONAL
Well just a few days ago, one of my friends got harmed, and I'm going to skip on the details for privacy issues but I had a hand in it by suggesting to him the idea that got him hurt. I talked to him about it and he doesn't blame me at all. In fact he's using what happened to help himself prevent anything similar in the future. Now even though he said I'm not at fault, I still feel responsible. I've talked to a few of my other friends and they say I'm being to hard on myself.

After all this I spent a night reflecting on how I've influenced others that I tried to cheer up when they were feeling down. And now that I look back on it, all my attempts have failed. I've either a) Worsened how they feel, or b) Pissed them off enough to make them stop talking to me. With those in mind I've been rather down lately about the entire thing, and I've thought about just leaving them in order to make the pain go away. One of my friends that I talk to every night is really concerned that this could blow up into a depression, unless I figure out a way to pull myself out of this. And with the way things look, it might just happen. -.-

I've just recently come across a song that really speaks to me. It's called "That's what you get - Paramore." The song talkes about how when we follow our heart is hurts others and ourselves. There is a line in there that makes me think. "That's what you get when you let your heart win." It hits he hard because I followed my heart when I try to help those I care about, and it just runs me to disaster.

I wanna give out a special thanks to those who I talk to on MSN, YIM, AIM, and all those for caring about me. It means a lot to me; it really does.

GAINING:
Well, not much going on gainer like. Just hanging out, trying to survive on the minimal amount of food we have in the apartment. Hopefully things will pick up soon. I did find a buffet locally though.



Thanks for reading
-Justin

July 20, 2009

Well after restating my new goal as 190, my donar from when I was going for 180 was eager and to my surprise very happy to make quite a contribution. And so I give him a great thanks. Thanks a lot man. It's great to have you helping out :D

Well as of the 35th of July, this SAT, I will be moving out with my friends to live down at an appartment right next to the college I will be attending in the fall. YAY! ^o^ My mom is of course afraid to let me go because she is like the worry version of Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond. GOD -o- *sigh* But with the move it should make my gain easier as a McDonalds is right down the street :D. I know it doesn't help my gaining but I plan on purchasing some rollerblades for communting myself to save on gas.

On another note, one of my favorite YIM buddies has started a blog of his own. Check him out @:
http://thechubbyitalian.blogspot.com
He's a really nice guy so please treat him accordingly. Plus in a sense he's my gaining rival O.o XP

On my gaining scene, I've kinda lost my burger crave, but that should change with the move since our diets will most likely consist of Top Ramen, Pizza, and Burgers. HURRAY!!!!

On a more personal level, I am still playing tennis, but not as frequently as I kinda want to; and my game is slightly improving as I'm working on a flat serve now since playing tennis for about 2 months :P I also started a job selling HQ cutlarry. Anyone in the SAC area want to set up an appointment to see me and possibly buy something? The money I made would go towards more food :D

Anyways I'm always up to reading comment, and requests. Heck if I get enough people commenting I might just make another video for youtube ;) Well, I'm off to finish eating and then schedule some more appointments for the week. I'll update again in a week or two :D

New Goal

Well on my life recently, I got a job with a pretty killer pay, but it's comission based for the base pay, but if I sell the product I get an incentive pay. Hopefully that can help me out a bit with my money problems like for when I move out on the 25th. I am also going to be attending the college I want to for 2 years this fall. I'm pretty excited. I put in an application for a vet clinic as well, and hopefully it goes well and I will have a "clock-in clock0out" pay. Plus I get to work with animals.

On the gaining portion, I have recently been hit with a Burger craving, and because of it all my wallet is looking pretty empty right about now; and I still am craving them burgers. And when I get burgers I don';t get one or the meal, I get 3 burgers is all, and I've had them for lunch these past 3 days and I still want more. ALSO, some of you out there might be pretty excited, I think I am going to gain to 190. I am currently 172 because I had a pretty upsetting thing happen in my life, and when I'm sad I don't eat. So, hopefully I can turn that around. I also want to give a special thanks out to my friendly encouragers that I chat with on MSN and YIM. Thanks a lot, you guys are the best.

Anyways, just a brief recap; Craving burgers, and new goal of 190. Anyone want to help/encourage? :P

Thanks for reading

About poll and more

23 people have said "I care" on the poll. While I'm not saying anyone is lying, I do find it hard to believe that everyone cares. I know for a fact that there are people out there that just want to "whack off" to gainers. I also know there are those out there that are interested in the person themselves. So, I just want to throw it out there that I am willing to talk to anyone, but believe me when I say that I will block anyone who doesn't care about me or anyone but their own Turn On.

On another note, I have gone back down to 170 and have been around there for quite a while. I am planning a trip to go visit 2 friends of mine, both of which I love very much. Both of them are my "brothers." Both are my younger bros and one of them is my love ^-^. I would like it if everyone would comment on this post to show that you care. Even if you have nothing to say just say Hi or something just so I know that you really do CARE.

Until next time

New Poll

Check it out

Busy

Well, I'm terribly sorry that I havn't been posting very often. I have been currently going through a lot of stuff, and it's taken me a while to figure everything out. I did however get help from my online buddies a lot. ^_^
I personally want to take this moment to thank them for all of their support.

On the gaining end of things, I am currently up to 180; my goal. YAY!! *fireworks*
but anyways, I am going to stop at 180 for now. My future gaining plans are going to remain unknown to everyone here. Those of who I chat with everyday or atleast a few times a week know what my plans are. I do plan to post a video on youtube some time when I get the chance to be home alone.
Thanks for reading





P.S. Comment! >.o I like comments >.o

Comments

Well, for the time I have been putting things up on my blog, it's a bit discouraging to find that people view my blog but do not do anything to show it. I did put a counter at the bottom of the page, and I'm curious, because for every view I get I get no comments. I've gotten one comment so far. I would like to thanks that person, but seriously what's the point of keeping a blog if nobody comments? It's like why even bother. So please comment, I want to hear your opinions and thoughts.

Role Playing

I made seperate Role Gaining :P blogs for all those that I do this with. Please feel free to check them out.

Moved to RGwithF.blogspot.com

See above post ^

Sickening Feeling

Well, this morning wasn't so hot for me. I didn't feel very well; but I stayed up last night to work on my paper for graduation. A whole 8 pages (including Title and Works Cited). Because I had no way to get it to my teacher I had to rough it out until lunch. Fun stuff. Once lunch had came around, I decided to head home. The paper was for my senior project (a requirement for graduation). I had to cancle band practice today because I was ill and we would have had only 2 members to play today, which isn't that great. So once I got home my older brother, of course, yelled at me and said my project was gonna fail. All that because I told him I had to cancel it. He plays our lead guitar, and he has quite the short temper.
Anyways, once I got home, I got into bed and froze my ass off to try and lower my temp, which was 102*F.

Hopefully I get better by Friday because I'm trying to plan out a feast video of pizza. Infact I may even do it tomorrow, seeing as I get out at 12 :D. Anywho, I hope to get better soon. Thanks for reading
-Justin


P.S. I do plan to do more feast videos in the future as well as this upcoming pizza deal. Just think of how grand my belly would look if I were to stuff pizza ever day of the week for a week. ^_^ Yum ...

New Youtube video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK4ihwmkdlM

That is the URL to my video. Please comment and rate. I hope you guys enjoy it and hope to see you return more enthusiastic about me gaining for you all.

Comment for poll

Please post new poll comment here.

Change of plans

I can't do the pig out vid, but I can do a small pig out vid with pictures and make a short vid using movie maker. Sadly that is going to have to do until I find a feeder, that wishes to help me get fatter. Also, please comment on any posts, and contact me. I would love to talk.

-Justin

Update Info

I plan to make a "Pig Out" video next, with the donations that I get. I"m planning to eat 5-6 McDonalds Double Quarter pounders. However I can't do it alone. I'm going to need your help. So please any help would be greatly appreciated. Comments would be loved.

New Youtube video delay

My camera is in the shop for repairs, so I am extremely sorry about not being able to do an update. I do promise that I will make an update for everyone, once my camera comes back in about a week. Once agian I appologise for the delay.
-Justin

Night of Fun

Well Saturday night was a blast. Me and my friends got together and we pulled an all nighter. See, recently me and my friends have started getting into Dungeongs and Dragons. We played all night Saturday and into Sunday morning. The night was full of fun, D&D, and pizza. We had pizza all night long when we got hungry. I weighed my self this morning and my empty weight was 171. Hopefully it stays like that, and then-some. Anyways, we plan to have more all nighter D&D nights, so which probably means more pizza at 2 in the morning. Lastly, feel free to check out my youtube account if you havn't done so already @ http://www.youtube.com/gainingweightisfun
See you all soon.

-Justin

Wall

I have been stuck hovering at 165-170 for about 2 months now, and can't seem to gain anything past it. However, I'm hoping some donations will help me get over this wall. I've just recently hit 171, and am waiting to see if I can go a few days with normal eating habits, to see if it stays above 170. Hopefully it will.
On a second note, I would like to thank all of those who have donated. Thanks a bunch. To those who have yet to donate, please feel free to help me out, so I can continue to expand and get much bigger.
-Justin

Donation box set up

I just got my donations button going. I don't know if it will work or not, but please feel free to donate. Even small donations would be greatly appreciated. See, my family is in a bit of a financial problem, and can't afford to get the "Good stuff." So if I can get my own supply of fattening foods, I can gain weight much quicker.
Thanks
-Justin

Introduction

Name: Justin Harcoff
Age: 17
Starting weight: 150
Goal: 180+
Current Weight: 165

I am just a guy into the whole gaining thing. I am straight, so please don't give me creepy messages and what not. Also, I don't want any messages about how it's bad for my health, because I will always answer to you ... "I'll live life they way I want to!"

Anyways, I'm going to tell you all about myself. As the small bit of info above states, my name is Justin Harcoff. I was born in Little Rock, California. I move to my current location about when I was 5. By the age of 15, I've always seemed to have this bit of curiosity. "What would it be and feel like to be fat?" So, I decided to give it a go. I started at about 145, at 5' 7". For my age then, I was a bit chunky, but still thin enough to look like the rest of the kids. Over the course of 1 year, I gained only 5 lbs because of my high metabolism. I lost track of gaining until I was about 16 1/2. Then I decided to just give it my all. It was around Christmas when I started. Over the course of 1 year and 1 month I gained to where I am at the moment. I am currently hovering from 167-170 lbs. However I have been doing my best to slow down my metabolism, and to a certain degree, I have. As of right now my BMI is 23.7. Unfortunately that is still in the "healthy" part of the BMI chart.

Anyways, enough about my history. Now onto my plans. I am trying to reach a BMI; as low as; 25. This would put me into the "overweight" portion. This would have my weight at 180lbs. I would like to get over this milestone of 170, because since my 1st video on youtube.com, I have yet to get past this, despite how hard I'm trying. I have a feeling that once I get over this, I will just fall into getting fatter. It's like holding your breath, once you get tired of holding it in, you let it all out, and you become relieved. Also, Im trying to set up a donation box for those who wish to donate to my food fund. This will help me be able to buy fast food, to help me gain weight faster. Because of where I live, the only semi-fast food joint in my town is a subway, and they don't have very fattening food. So, once I get that donation box up and running, if you could donate some money, I would greatly appreciate it.

Lastly about messages. As I state on the youtube channel, I don't want any creepy messages. I don't mind talking to anyone, but please keep it at a "non-creepy" level.

Thank you all for your support, and I look forward to hearing from you all.