AUG 13.

Hey there. It's been quite a while since I've posted anything, so I'm here to bring you all an update. So first off personal things.

PERSONAL
Well just a few days ago, one of my friends got harmed, and I'm going to skip on the details for privacy issues but I had a hand in it by suggesting to him the idea that got him hurt. I talked to him about it and he doesn't blame me at all. In fact he's using what happened to help himself prevent anything similar in the future. Now even though he said I'm not at fault, I still feel responsible. I've talked to a few of my other friends and they say I'm being to hard on myself.

After all this I spent a night reflecting on how I've influenced others that I tried to cheer up when they were feeling down. And now that I look back on it, all my attempts have failed. I've either a) Worsened how they feel, or b) Pissed them off enough to make them stop talking to me. With those in mind I've been rather down lately about the entire thing, and I've thought about just leaving them in order to make the pain go away. One of my friends that I talk to every night is really concerned that this could blow up into a depression, unless I figure out a way to pull myself out of this. And with the way things look, it might just happen. -.-

I've just recently come across a song that really speaks to me. It's called "That's what you get - Paramore." The song talkes about how when we follow our heart is hurts others and ourselves. There is a line in there that makes me think. "That's what you get when you let your heart win." It hits he hard because I followed my heart when I try to help those I care about, and it just runs me to disaster.

I wanna give out a special thanks to those who I talk to on MSN, YIM, AIM, and all those for caring about me. It means a lot to me; it really does.

GAINING:
Well, not much going on gainer like. Just hanging out, trying to survive on the minimal amount of food we have in the apartment. Hopefully things will pick up soon. I did find a buffet locally though.



Thanks for reading
-Justin