DEC 24, 2009

Well, yesterday was a bit of a frightening day. I went to hang out with my BF and play games at his friend's house. Before it got dark we went to a haunted mental institute, but decided not to go in because of the electric wire, barbed wire fence, the "No trespassing" sign, and our guts. On our way out a truck pulled up the driveway and asked us what we were doing. It was a group of 8 of us; and we gave him a BS answer before leaving. As we got into the cars we saw him stop and stay put for a while before taking off. OMG! x.x

Afterwards, me and my BF left around 5:40, and went back to his house to exchange X-Mas gifts. I got his a series of candles. Red, Green, and White; in ascending order. I was tempted to leave a few cliche notes in them. WHITE represents Purity; GREEN represents prosperity; and RED represents passion/love. So yea, "Pure, prosperous, passion." The three Ps =P I also gave him my webcam so when I get my laptop we can cam together, when we aren't with each other. <3 he gave me new headphones for the ipod he gave me, some frankincense, and a note giving me one free date where I don't have to make any decisions. XD (because I'm a very indecisive person) Then I got his mom a new set of knives, and she got me an Aries Candle. It had a little pendant and everything.


Gaining segment is going to be really short. I've managed to put back on 1 lb; so 156 XD It's a step in the right direction.

DEC 21, 2009

First off I would like to say, Thank you all for the support you've shown me. IDK if you realize it or not; but it really means a lot to me knowing that there are strangers out there that don't even know me, beyond what I tell you, that care for me. So thank you all so very much.

Now to start off a bit of a repeat of last post. X-Mas is almost here. =D Which means...presents!!! The bad thing is that because of this damned recession, I only get one gift, which is a combination of all the money I would have basically received. I'm going to be owning an ~$500 Dell T4300 from Best Buy! =D It makes me a very happy panda because it beats my Desktop by 3 fold. I love it!!! It has Windows 7, which means I get to fiddle with the configuration on there >D A few months back my BF told me that he didn't want to do Christmas gifts. ...I did anyways. XD I got him a set of candles which are all different colors. Now the VERY VERY cheesie part XD Each color represents a different meaning. I gave him a White, followed by a green, ending with a red.

WHITE=purity
GREEN=prosperity
RED=passion

The 3 "P's." I wrapped each one individually and left a cheesie line in there corresponding to the color meaning. <3 I hope he gets a good giggle out of it <3 Me and him have been doing great. We saw each other last SAT and we watched movies and cuddled and such. I also got his mom a gift because she's been so sweet to me. I got her a set of Cutco knives that I had, since I used to work for them; but I hated doing sales. So yea, she and Connor both went out and got me something. <3 We will be seeing each other on either TUE or WED to exchange gifts. Once I am 100% certain that I will be getting this laptop for X-Mas I will have another gift for my BF. I'm going to give him my old webcam, since my laptop has one built in. This way we can see each other online whenever we want to. <3 <3 <3


On other news gaining has started off well. I've been trying to keep myself full these past couple of days. My capacity sure isn't what it used to be; however it's growing back to it's size quite rapidly. If I am lucky, my months of moving out have butchered my metabolism, making it extremely easy to gain. As I am typing this, now 1 AM where I live, I had a tall glass of whole milk and 5 cookies. Hope it helps XD

Not much more to say. I'll update later this month if anything happens worth sharing of I want to share what has happened.

On one last final note, I really kinda wish my BF would like to be my feeder; but I'm far to embarrassed to tell him about gaining. I mean, yes it would be excruciatingly HOT if he did; but I don't want to weird him out. I am tempted to ask if he'd help me put on some weight; but I doubt 30+ lbs counts as "some weight."

Anyways off to read stuffz on deviantart. I'll post again some time soon. Thanks again. ^.^



EDIT: I just thought I lost the ring my BF gave me and nearly had a heart attack x.x Turned out it was still around my neck x.x Fail

DEC 17, 2009

So yea, basically a week till X-mas. I have to move back in with my parents, which does mean I will be able to gain actively again because I will have a lot of food. Umm...I don't really know what else to put, so this post is going to be quite small.

The holidays are here, what the best gift you guys know/think you will be getting for the holidays this year?

Mine is a new laptop =D

What's yours?

DEC 05, 2009

Just when I thought I had hit rock bottom with my parents, I manage to fall even further. Last night I was out driving and I get pulled over for expired registration. I was pretty bummed out until they said that they were going to have my truck towed. Oh NO! They couldn't just say go back home and stay off the road till then; no...they tow my truck. They also had to have 3 officers there for some reason, and they were asking me if I had any illegal substances or weapons in my truck. I've never seen a cop ask that kind of question before for a simple pull over. It was pretty obvious they were out for some fucking blood because:
1) It was Friday night after the football championship game,
2) 10:1 the home team lost, and
3) They were upset about it.

So yea basically FML right now. FML! x.x

DEC 03, 2009

So...lately I've been rather down.I didn't really want to post this, but I want to hear what you guys have to say and what you think. I told my mom about my boyfriend; yes I am gay; and she responded just as I predicted. She told me I was just confused and that I didn't even know what I wanted. I told her because I thought she would understand. What's most baffling is that she says that she doesn't care; yet she tells me I don't know what the fuck I want. She told me, "Well how do you know you're gay if you have never had a girlfriend?" I've had two; one back in the 8th grade and one my senior year. Both of them gave me the same feeling I get from cereal. Yet I told her that my boyfriend makes me feel good, happy, and free. When I was around my girlfriend my senior year I told myself I was Bi since my Sophmore year of High School. So, when I was around her, I always felt uncomfortable and "fake." We broke up, then I found my boyfriend my freshman year of college and "sparks flew." I've never been happier, until I told my mom, and now I'm essentially in this spiraling depression. I've been feeling negative emotions lately. I don't know how to handle this because my mom is the first person that I've told, besides my closest friend and obviously my boyfriend. Whenever I get like this I end up writing a piece of poetry. This is what it was:

Downpour

I stand here, the water pouring down onto me.
The constant noise of an extremely fast heart beat and static of the TV.
My head drenched to the scalp; leaned back
The weight of my wet hair felt like a heavy burden
Is it so simple as to just get out of the water?
In the end I open my eyes.
It hurts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and that one isn't even that bad compared to this one.

YOU

A small glimmer of light appears before me,
I reach forward,
crawl towards it.
Only to find that it becomes bigger,
more brilliant.
I begin to feel this weight lifted off of me.
I smile as the light shines in my face.
Then you appear.
You stand in front of me,
Tell me everything is alright.
You lie to me and say I was heading towards darkness.
I look around and see only darkness around me.
I say "I don't want to be here."
You reply "You're just confused."
You plant your foot on me
the weight heavier than before.
I can feel as if my soul had been crushed.
You disappear and I can barely lift myself now.
The glimmer of light disappears,
and now...I lay here
In this darkness of which you kept me,
Doomed to lay here,
In this darkness with only a small flicker of fire by my side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yea, I'm not in the best of mental conditions. All last night I was sitting here at my PC feeling like absolute shit. Even when my roomies are in the room; I just felt like...crying. I eventually went out into my truck and lit a candle and curled up in a ball. I sat in there for 40 minutes doing nothing. Then I came back in, got under my blanket here at my PC and sat here for about an hour or two trying to cheer myself up, before calling it a night and going to bed.


So a quick recap...I'm gay, I told my mom, essentially got spat on by my mother, and am basically depressed. The only joy in my life right now is my boyfriend. IDK what I would do if I were to lose him. Hopefully my mom understands that she doesn't know what I want, only I do. If I were to lose him, FML. Whatever, I gotta go get ready for class now, so I gotta cut off here.

As for gaining it's been the same as the last few posts. Nothing new.

Thanks for reading.

Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Even though I'm writing this a little over an hour past midnight that day after Thanksgiving, but anyways; I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving with lots of Turkey.

So to start things off I really want to get this off my chest. My Thanksgiving was a bust. I'm going to spare you on the details; so basically my parents fought before dinner and my drunk mother did her infamous 50 mood changes per 30 minutes. x.x The food was great and I got quite the bit of leftovers to bring back with me; so tomorrow/today should have a bit more to it. Aside from the failed Thanksgiving, I went to see my love because I told them about what happened. I got permission from their mom to come hang out, and so I did. It really cheered me up, but before I went over I was showering and I felt a piece of poetry coming so I memorized it as best as I could and I put it up online. here it is for anyone who is interested:

Downpour
I stand here, the water pouring down onto me.
The constant noise of an extremely fast heart beat and static on the TV.
My head drenched to the scalp; leaned back
The weight of my wet hair felt like a heavy burden
Is it so simple as to just get out of the water?
In the end I open my eyes.
It hurts.

Anyways I'm still around 155 and hanging on as best as I can. Hopefully once I get a donation/job I can start affording to eat out every night and maybe put back on the weight that I lost and more.

Oh well, until next time readers,
Yteuc (Adios)

Nov 23, 2009

Ok so things are getting down to the nitty-gritty for me. Job hunting still sucks ass. Applied to over 25 places this past week, all through emailing them about jobs THEY posted on craigslist.com. I have yet to hear back from ANY of them.

Gaining-wise I've managed to stop at 155, but I really do want to go back up. Well hopefully things will look up later this month or next month.