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Saturday, May 22, 2010

May 22, 2010

Well I've decided to find a place to rant...and well I kind of came back here; so if you guys don't mind I need to rant because times are tough, extremely tough, especially for me right now. (I'm not saying others are better or worse, just my position.)

Well in site of the current economy...especially in California right now, I've spent nearly a year applying to places and have yet to get any work. I NEED to find a job soon if not immediately. My family's house is on the verge of being foreclosed because the assholes screwed up some process my Dad was applying for to lower the mortgage or something. The guy said he needed two stubs...but when my Dad went to give him them he claimed that he said 4 stubs...so we got screwed there.

My Dad informed me that I would no longer have car insurance at the end of the month because we can't afford it and that I would need to find work so I can pay for my own insurance. So I've done everything I could in increase my applications and have been putting in more than usual. Just the other day I put in 10 paper applications to local businesses. I can't talk to the places I've applied for because I HAVE to speak to the manager because it looks better and actually does something rather than speaking to an employee.

AND on top of that I have to drop school so I can help my family. I don't know how long I have to drop it. Then to pile on more because I won't have car insurance at the end of the month I won't be able to visit my BF, and I can't consciously make him come out to me each time we want to see each other. I have yet to tell my BF how I'm feeling because I fear it would break his heart and I don't want to hurt him. I've only had a brief talk with him about it, but it was just me being sad, not depressed/suicidal.

I suppose lastly I've been having really depressing thoughts. Just today I had an image in my head; it was a Newspaper headline reading: "Economy Drives Teen to Suicide." I've been having really terrible thoughts lately...and it's completely unlike me. I've had suicidal thoughts and visions of what it would be like if I weren't here. It's...so very unlike me to be like this. But given my situation...I'm sure anyone would collapse under the pressure.

Well, thanks for reading my little rant; and if you didn't read it, I don't mind. I just needed a place to rant and get things off my chest.

Until next time hopefully. Take care everyone

2 comments:

  1. Hope you're all right that's awful all around - pull through... nothing comes easy and when you're back up again you'll realize how this shitty situation made you ready for the good times

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  2. You look fine, just be motivated and you'll achieve it, man.

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